You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.
We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.
We are currently active in 20 states and growing. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life.
Unfortunately for those patiently waiting to be collected by Jesus and taken to heaven here in South Dakota, you will have to wait a bit longer as they haven't made it here yet. If on the other hand you have a nice muscle car or Harley you'd like taken care of though, I'm your man and I'd be willing to do it for free...
(via Dvorak Online)